Stream

Posted: February 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

Here is the stream

Just a tiny little thing

Nothing like a river

That spits the land

It’s just a stream

Surely I can cross it?

***

No, I can’t cross the streams

The end of the world

Dimensions collapse

Fire from rooftops

Giants now melt

Want some s’mores?

***

Some more what

Shut up smalls

You don’t know the meaning

Of a pen scrawled

On a round ball

The sultan of swat?

***

Large men swagger

Eye patched machismo

Bibles are the way

Unless you want the easy route

Break the branch

Will one swing do?

***

The symbol is lit

Nipples protrude in rubber

Now under a spell

Partners struggle in vain

To fly together

Can he have a Sinatra croon?

***

Try some fly fishing

If the water is nice

But not to do here

No river runs through it

Just a struggling stream

Surely I can cross

Beyond the pseudo religious themes of the Twilight series, there is a much darker, sinister force at work.  The messages being conveyed are different for girls or guys (the few who might read the series to pick up chicks).

For Girls…

If your boyfriend dumps you, go into a deep depression and then do things to try to kill yourself.  It is especially helpful if it’s already established that you’re clumsy and can barely walk two feet without hurting yourself.

Second message to girls, if your boyfriend does come back after your suicide attempt, it will be required of you to change your utter BEING so that you can be with him forever.  There is no going back.

For Guys

The message for guys is very simple, if you want to bang a chick, you have to be either a shirtless werewolf (though to be fair this example tends to go for a younger type of prey) or a sparkly vampire (no, you can not be a badass vampire, you MUST sparkle).

If you’re human, you’re screwed.  And not in a good way.  Although being celibate might be a better choice than sparkly.  Sparkly might attract the wrong type of attention then what you’re seeking.

Cause sparky is FABULOUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Gecko the Pervert…

Posted: January 7, 2012 in Uncategorized
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The Geico Gecko told me that I was looking fine.

I was in the shower.

Why is the Gecko looking at me in the shower?  I don’t think that’s right.  I’m now scared to go into the bathroom.

What else has the Gecko been watching me do?

Now I’m getting pissed.

Stop watching me, Gecko, don’t make me go all Raising Arizona on your ass.

Cereal Killer Part Five

Posted: December 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

The voices returned.  They always had returned, but now it was worse.  It seems like they want me to be the only one.  So that is what I’ll have to give them.

The honey one was easy to find.  Basting his Honey Nut Cheerios, it made for an easy target.

Since he was unarmed, I came right at him.  But it seemed almost like he had been warned.

He threw honey at me, it’s stuck and couldn’t move.  He buzzed around my head laughing, it was just a joke to him.  But the voices wouldn’t let it be a joke to me.

As he buzzed around my stuck body, I gingerly reached out as well as I could and snatched the stinger off his body.

He instantly went down.  Within minutes he was dead.  It took a while but I was finally able to extract myself from honey.

I’ll be glad when the voices are finally appeased.  Whenever that may be…

Christmas Break

Posted: December 25, 2011 in Uncategorized
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I’m taking a break for Christmas.  I’ll be back posting on the 26th with a continuation of the Cereal Killer story.  Happy holidays!

Cereal Killer Part Four

Posted: December 23, 2011 in Uncategorized
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The voices just won’t stop!  Now they are telling me it’s time to hunt.  That I need to hunt some big game.  They suggest the tiger known as Tony.  I know that I don’t really have a choice.  I get the gun that I need, with the scope.

Is it unsporting, going with the scope?  Is being a sniper a bit of a cop out in this case?  The tiger deserves to die, sure.  But it just feels off.  But the voices say this is the best course of action.  They say I’ve been lucky so far, the ones who tried to fight back, they were no match for me.  But the tiger, he’s a different story.

Maybe they are right.  They haven’t led me astray so far.

I take my aim, it’s not hard to zero in on him.  The crosshairs have his head.

TAP

TAP

And it’s over.  Tony is down.  I leave his body there, the crows and other scavengers will know what to do with it.  I’d say that I hope the voices have had enough, but I know better.  There will never be enough, all I can do is prepare for the next time.

Cereal Killer Part Three

Posted: December 22, 2011 in Uncategorized
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The voices wouldn’t stop.  They next directed me to that silly rabbit.  It was an ironic twist that he was the easiest to kill.  He was addicted, he needed his fix.  The rabbit had ended up doing Trix on the wrong side of the tracks.  He’d do anyone or anything just to get what he needed.

When I found him, he was in a hospital bed.  Frail, weak, just skin and bones.  There was a hopeful glint in his eyes when I walked into the room.

“Hey buddy, can I turn any trix for you?  All I need is just one hit of fruity goodness, just a little taste.”  The lines came easy to him, it was the same thing that he’d been saying for years.

I didn’t say a word.  I just went over to the machines that were keeping him alive.  The plug came out easily.  There were beeps as the monitors went off and the rabbits breathing became labored, then became a struggle.  I sat there and watched him die.  I don’t like what I’m doing, but there is no choice.  At least the voices are appeased.

For now…