Archive for December, 2011

Cereal Killer Part Five

Posted: December 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

The voices returned.  They always had returned, but now it was worse.  It seems like they want me to be the only one.  So that is what I’ll have to give them.

The honey one was easy to find.  Basting his Honey Nut Cheerios, it made for an easy target.

Since he was unarmed, I came right at him.  But it seemed almost like he had been warned.

He threw honey at me, it’s stuck and couldn’t move.  He buzzed around my head laughing, it was just a joke to him.  But the voices wouldn’t let it be a joke to me.

As he buzzed around my stuck body, I gingerly reached out as well as I could and snatched the stinger off his body.

He instantly went down.  Within minutes he was dead.  It took a while but I was finally able to extract myself from honey.

I’ll be glad when the voices are finally appeased.  Whenever that may be…

Christmas Break

Posted: December 25, 2011 in Uncategorized
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I’m taking a break for Christmas.  I’ll be back posting on the 26th with a continuation of the Cereal Killer story.  Happy holidays!

Cereal Killer Part Four

Posted: December 23, 2011 in Uncategorized
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The voices just won’t stop!  Now they are telling me it’s time to hunt.  That I need to hunt some big game.  They suggest the tiger known as Tony.  I know that I don’t really have a choice.  I get the gun that I need, with the scope.

Is it unsporting, going with the scope?  Is being a sniper a bit of a cop out in this case?  The tiger deserves to die, sure.  But it just feels off.  But the voices say this is the best course of action.  They say I’ve been lucky so far, the ones who tried to fight back, they were no match for me.  But the tiger, he’s a different story.

Maybe they are right.  They haven’t led me astray so far.

I take my aim, it’s not hard to zero in on him.  The crosshairs have his head.

TAP

TAP

And it’s over.  Tony is down.  I leave his body there, the crows and other scavengers will know what to do with it.  I’d say that I hope the voices have had enough, but I know better.  There will never be enough, all I can do is prepare for the next time.

Cereal Killer Part Three

Posted: December 22, 2011 in Uncategorized
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The voices wouldn’t stop.  They next directed me to that silly rabbit.  It was an ironic twist that he was the easiest to kill.  He was addicted, he needed his fix.  The rabbit had ended up doing Trix on the wrong side of the tracks.  He’d do anyone or anything just to get what he needed.

When I found him, he was in a hospital bed.  Frail, weak, just skin and bones.  There was a hopeful glint in his eyes when I walked into the room.

“Hey buddy, can I turn any trix for you?  All I need is just one hit of fruity goodness, just a little taste.”  The lines came easy to him, it was the same thing that he’d been saying for years.

I didn’t say a word.  I just went over to the machines that were keeping him alive.  The plug came out easily.  There were beeps as the monitors went off and the rabbits breathing became labored, then became a struggle.  I sat there and watched him die.  I don’t like what I’m doing, but there is no choice.  At least the voices are appeased.

For now…

Cereal Killer Part Two

Posted: December 21, 2011 in Uncategorized
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I thought it was over, but the voices came back.  They told me I had to destroy the leprechaun.  It was easy to find him.  He was at the end of the rainbow protecting his lucky charms.  Unfortunately, he saw me coming.

“What do ya think yre doin, laddy?”

“I’m here to kill you, demon leprechaun!”

“You’ll never git me lucky charms!”  He was screaming and suddenly picked up his box, shook out a hand full and blasted them toward me.  They hit me in the chest, then bounced to the ground.  I picked up a few pieces and munched on them, a grin split my face.  This guy is a bit nuts.  If he didn’t want me to have his lucky charms, why is he throwing them at me?  Seems to me that it defeats the whole purpose of trying to keep them.

These thoughts had to be shaken off and I advanced on the tiny man.  I grabbed the pot of gold, and after dumping the gold out, I put the pot over the leprechaun, trapping him.  He was pounding on the heavy, black metal and I sat on top of it, so it wouldn’t move.  It took hours for the banging to lighten up, and then stop altogether.  With no air in the tiny space, this unlucky little guy suffocated.  With a shovel I dug a small hole near the end of the rainbow and buried the now lifeless body.

Hopefully now the voices are appeased, and I can continue my own deeds.  Being a cereal killer is so time consuming.

Cereal Killer Part One

Posted: December 20, 2011 in Uncategorized

I’ve been stalking him for months now.  He’s the cause of my downfall and I’ll make him pay for that.  But this Cap’n is a slippery one.  He keeps sailing away just before I strike.  But he leaves a little trail of berries wherever he goes.  What is he, a rat dropping pellets?  Doesn’t matter, these little balls will let me follow him to the end of the earth if need be.

I’ve finally caught up to him.  His boat is docked at the Island of Deliciousness.  The crew has been sent away for the night, but the Cap’n staid behind.  Tonight is my night, I’m going to end this pirates reign of terror.

“Hey, you there, what are you doing?”

Shit, he’s spotted me.  Well, no time like the present.  I pull out my sword.

“This is it, pirate!  You’ve stolen all the kids that love my cereal, now I’m going to kill you.”  I’m screaming at him, but he just looks at me dumbfounded.

“Aren’t you…”

I don’t let him finish, my blade slices the air and cleanly goes through the Cap’n’s neck.  His decapitated head does a curve across the deck, set off course by the misshapen hat that still sits on his head.

With my work done, I silently move back into the night.  One is down…

To the surprise of no one, Donna Joe Tanner, better known as DJ, and Kimmy Gibbler are lesbian lovers.  All the signs were there for us all to see, and now they finally admit the truth.

Can you guess who the butch is?  (HINT: She’s wearing a TIE!)  The signs for this were all over the place.  Kimmy would follow DJ around, just to be at her beck and call.  Of course Donna Jo, or Don JT as she now prefers to be called, wears the pants and suspenders in the family unit.  They have two of Comets grand-puppies and plan on adopting a baby.  The baby was born out of wedlock, a product of Stephanie and a meth dealer she met down at the docks.

Oh, and that whole Steve thing?  Yeah, that was just a cover.  He’s as strait as the graph of an earthquake.  Was he fooling anyone?  Please, cut, it, out.  If this is news to you, seriously, WAKE UP, SAN FRANCISCO!