The Real Messages of Twilight

Posted: January 8, 2012 in Uncategorized
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Beyond the pseudo religious themes of the Twilight series, there is a much darker, sinister force at work.  The messages being conveyed are different for girls or guys (the few who might read the series to pick up chicks).

For Girls…

If your boyfriend dumps you, go into a deep depression and then do things to try to kill yourself.  It is especially helpful if it’s already established that you’re clumsy and can barely walk two feet without hurting yourself.

Second message to girls, if your boyfriend does come back after your suicide attempt, it will be required of you to change your utter BEING so that you can be with him forever.  There is no going back.

For Guys

The message for guys is very simple, if you want to bang a chick, you have to be either a shirtless werewolf (though to be fair this example tends to go for a younger type of prey) or a sparkly vampire (no, you can not be a badass vampire, you MUST sparkle).

If you’re human, you’re screwed.  And not in a good way.  Although being celibate might be a better choice than sparkly.  Sparkly might attract the wrong type of attention then what you’re seeking.

Cause sparky is FABULOUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

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