10. It will only take me months to learn karate. Not only will I know karate, but I’ll be better then those that have been studying it a lot longer then I have. All I have to do is find some old Asian guy to teach me, by making me do chores. He’s a much better teacher then the younger military trained asshole.
9. Running away from home to search for treasure, without telling anyone, will have no negative repercussions. What will happen is the treasure will actually be found, and I’ll be able to buy my family’s home. It would suck if it became a golf course. Oh, and there would be pizza on the beach.
8. Time travel is absolutely possible in a fast car, but it is dangerous. The most dangerous thing about time travel is that your mother will try to sleep with you. Avoid this at all costs.
7. If you are going to time travel, it’s safer to do in a phone booth. Go through history and kidnap all the famous historical figures you can. For some strange reason, if your father doesn’t kiss your mother, you start to disappear. But if you take all these historical figures, there are no negative consequences to the time stream.
6. When someone asks if you’re a god, you say YES! If you don’t, a giant marshmallow man will attack you.
5. Video game skills are a necessity. I can get so good that an alien will come down and get me, taking me back to his home planet, so that I can fight to save his planet.
4. When my three friends and I go off in search of a dead body, we will NOT take a short cut through a swamp.
3. My friend and I can use an old computer and create a woman. But for some reason, we don’t sleep with our creation, instead choosing two lowly regular girls.
2. Being a nerd is just fine. What’s also fine is being a nerd in disguise and screwing a girl on the moon, when she thinks I’m someone else. While this may sound bad, it’s not actually the rape that you might think it is. In reality this will get the girl to become your girlfriend.
1. There is one sure fire way to get laid. Play volleyball with a bunch of shirtless guys, making funny poses, while “Playing with the Boys,” blares from a boombox. Just as you’re about to win, leave. Ride your motorcycle to the home of a woman who, up until now, hasn’t liked you all that much. She will sleep with you. Much like video games, it’s all about solving the puzzle. Sometimes you just have to perform certain actions that allow you to find the right key to unlock that door. Or in this case, the key to her hooha.
sivispacemparabellum81 